The Oxford Sub
by E.T.R Da Polski
Summary: The sequel to The Oxford Rub. Robert had to tell him, but how would he react to this shocking news? Craig x OC, Thomas x OC. WARNING: Swearing, smut and boy x boy.
1. 3 Years

_Here you go, the follow-up to The Oxford Rub. This chapter isn't brilliant but it starts the story off. I'll be continuing it soon, just been really busy lately. I've not been going anywhere, I've just been playing Doom 3 and Prototype. A lot. Okay, hope you enjoy, PM, review and let me know if ya liked it._

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You may remember that Robert, at 6:00 AM, on a morning walk before his first day of school in South Park, sat on the side of the curb and picked up on the sound of footsteps behind him. Upon turning around, he saw the figure of a young boy, also on his way to school.

You may also remember, I didn't tell you who that boy was. Well, that boy was Craig Tucker.

From the outside he seemed cold, distant and vulgar. But, as Robert discovered, he was completely the opposite. We begin at the age of 13, just before Robert and Craig got together, after almost 3 years of awkward glances and subtle hints.

ROBERT'S POV:

Why can't I just tell Craig I'm gay? It's so fucking simple but I can't do it. We've been friends for three years, I know he wouldn't judge me for it.

I always act so confident but, in reality, I'm just a big bag of nerves. I'm only out to four people. Joey, Thomas, Stan and Kyle. They've just sort of ignored the fact I'm gay and tolerate the amount I'm complaining about Craig.

It doesn't help that Joey and Thomas are always going on about how much they love each other, making out all the time or blabbing about how great it is to be in love. I know it is, that's why I want it.

But I only want it from Craig.

I don't even know if he's gay. The way we look at each other, how we act around each other and... the hints.

I'm constantly saying about how none of the girls at school are attractive to me, always saying how good he looks every-fucking-day and he's always saying the same stuff.

He's invited me over to his house a few times and we've shared a few weird looks but neither of us has made a move.

I have to do it. I have to tell him TODAY.

CRAIG'S POV:

I wonder if Robert's gonna be wearing that cute sweater today? Agh! Fuck, Craig! Stop thinking like that! I need to get Robert out of my head.

I just need to go to school and get him off my mind. If just try to stay away from him today I should stop thinking about him. But he's gonna be pissed off with me if I ignore him.

Damn it. What should I do? I keep having these gay thoughts but I don't want to be gay.

Should I tell Robert? No, I can't tell him. That'd be fucking social sucide.

I just need to get through the day and try to avoid him.

This is gonna be rough.

JOEY'S POV:

Ah, great. Thomas fell asleep on me. AGAIN. As usual, my chest's wet with drool, my T-shirt's riding up and he's doing his sleeping vice-grip hug. I'm gonna have to wake him up. It's 6:30 so Robert's probably already at school.

He looks so cute when he's asleep. I don't wanna do this.

"Tom. Tom, wake up. Come on, we gotta get to school."

"W-what? Oh, did I fall asleep on you again?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry. I guess I'm just a heavy sleeper."

"And a heavy hugger. If you don't mind..."

"Oh, sure."

"Ah, finally! I can breathe!"

"Are my hugs really that tight?"

"Yes, they really are." I gave him a kiss on the forehead before getting up and getting dressed.

Thomas was staying at my house most of the time now. Mom still has no idea we're dating. She just thinks we're close friends. How wrong she is.

His Tourette's and my mood swings, depression, bi-polar disorder, all that stuff, have almost gone completely. We're not just good WITH each other. We're good FOR each other.

As I was walking round the house, getting my things ready for school, I was silently hoping Robert was going to tell Craig how he feels today.

THOMAS'S POV:

I can't help falling asleep on Joey. He's so warm and soft and just... perfect. I can't wait until we're old enough to have, well, you know.

It's really hard having to wait. I can figuratively feel my blood boil every time we make out. Jacking off just isn't enough to get rid of it.

I get really annoyed when Joey just cuts off our make out sessions half-way. He always tells me I should just try to keep it down. He's got amazing control over his arousal. I don't know how he does it.

ROBERT'S POV:

I'm not surprised Joey isn't out here. He was under Thomas this morning and he'll be lucky to get out of that hug with his lungs intact.

I just need to focus on telling Craig how I feel, nothing else. I can't let anything stop me.

I just hope he'll understand...


	2. Fast

_Second chaparoni! Sorry this chapter is so short, I was more focused on getting the first two chapters out the way so I can advance the story a little bit quicker. Hope you enjoy, PM, review and let me know if you have anything you want to ask me._

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CRAIG'S POV:

I walked into school, carefully scanning for Robert. I just have to avoid him. It's not that hard, it's a big school, there's plenty of places to hide.

"Hi, Craig!" Ah, fuck. Already? Are you fucking serious?

"Ugh, hi, Robert."

"How you doin?"

"Not good."

"What's wrong?"

"I just, like, don't feel great, I feel tired and weird."

"Weird how?"

"Just strange thoughts, nightmares, stuff like that."

"What kind of thoughts? I could help, you know. All that research into human psychology wasn't just for funsies."

"Uh, just things I wouldn't usually think about."

"Well, I'm gonna need some guidance here. I don't know what you think about normally."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"What do you mean?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Woah, where did that come from?"

"I'm sorry, it's just..."

"Just what?"

"Follow me a second." I lead him out to the back of the school, just to get away from the prying eyes and eavesdropping bastards.

"Robert, have you ever had thoughts you didn't want to have 'cos it'd mean you would be turning into something you don't want to be?"

"That was a bit hard to follow but yeah, of course, I have 'em all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But it was one of those thoughts that made me want to tell you something."

Please don't say what I think you're gonna say. Please.

"Craig, I'm gay. And I think I'm in love with you."

I couldn't even respond. I couldn't even think of the words that would reply to such a statement.

"Craig?"

I could feel myself going white and light-headed.

"Craig, you look a little shocked. Sit down for a minute."

I had slipped into my subconscious. My body was still working but I wasn't in control. I was almost as if my soul had flown out of my body and I was watching it happen from a third-person perspective.

Robert looked worried and I was almost emotionless. No sadness, no shock, just... nothing. I have never had something like this happen to me.

"Craig, are you okay? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

I finally managed to push a word out of my slacked mouth.

"N-no, I'm... I'm okay."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it."

"No, don't be sorry, it was just a big fucking shock. I mean, I didn't think anyone liked me. I thought you were friends with me because you felt sorry for me. How long have you know you were gay?"

"Since I was eight. I just started to feel really weird and girls just suddenly got boring. But I shouldn't have expected you to take the whole "I'm gay" thing well. I just went off things that have happened between us like, you being really nice to me, the hints, the awkward looks, how close we are, the amount you you invite me over to your house. I was just being stupid."

He covered his face as the tears started to pour. I hugged him, just so he knows I'm not going to change how I act with him.

"Robert, do you remember I was saying about those weird thoughts?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was having weird thoughts about you."

"What do you mean?"

"I think I'm gay as well." He suddenly looked up from my shoulder with sadness and confusion in his eyes.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about you in a really strange way and I was just saying to myself "You're not gay, you're not gay." but I can't deny it."

He lifted himself up and hugged me tightly.

"Craig, this is great!"

"Is it?"

"Yeah, we can be together."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Is that what you want?"

"I've wanted it for three years, Craig."

This has all happened too fast. So fast that my brain still hasn't wrapped itself around the fact I now have a boyfriend.

"Okay, we can be boyfriend and boyfriend."

He giggled slightly and hugged me again. I think, in some deep part of my mind, I wanted this all along. I was so afraid of being judged, I was putting it off but I can finally be myself.

Things are starting to go my way...


	3. Her

_I am so, so sorry it has taken this long for me to upload this chapter. I will be updating my other stories soon so I apologise for how short this chapter is. Anyway, hope you enjoy it, PM and review if you did._

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1 YEAR LATER, ROBERT'S POV:

"So, Craiggy, what do you wanna do tonight?"

"I thought I told you not to call me Craiggy."

"Sorry. But what do you want to do?"

"I dunno, probably just like, snuggle on the couch or something."

Not exactly what I wanted to do but it's a start.

"I was thinking we could try something different..."

"Like what?"

"Something, you know, a bit more than just making out."

"What more can we do than making out?"

"Oh, come on, Craig, even you can't be that stupid."

"Do you mean like, jacking each other off, or something?"

"Not so loud but yes."

"Okay, we can try it."

Oh, for God's sakes, Craig, be a little more enthusiastic.

"I thought you'd be excited to try something new."

"I am. I'm just not an emotional person."

"Well, luckily I have enough emotion for the both of us."

I kissed him on the cheek, making him blush. I grabbed his hand and leant into his shoulder. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

Craig has always been nice to me. Ever since I moved here from England, I haven't felt like I fit in. I'm never in the class photos, I'm not really friends with anyone except Craig's group of friends and even then, they're a bunch of insufferable wankers.

Besides Tweek. He's the only one I like. He's complex. Everyone says he's weird or messed up but they've never spoken to him, asked him how he feels.

Token is just plain aggravating. There's something about him that just pisses me off.

And Clyde. Well, Clyde's a puppy. He's always running from place to place, never calms down, insatiable appetite and, frankly, stupid. I was two seconds away from telling him to play dead yesterday.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that Craig loves me.

I never thought anyone would want to be with me. I wear dark clothes, I'm not exactly a looker, I've got crazy hair, I'm vulgar, I can be an arsehole when I want to be, I'm, as Craig would put it, a smart ass and I've been told I'm not that pleasant to be around.

I don't care. As long as Craig likes me, they can just go fuck themselves.

STAN'S POV:

Me and Wendy have been together for four years now. I didn't think we'd work this time around.

But she spends more time with Joey, just cause he's gay. It's not that what she talks about doesn't interest me, it's just she goes straight to Joey whenever she needs someone to talk to.

Kyle took his break-up with Bebe pretty hard. It's only been a couple of days so he's still feeling bad.

It didn't help when he saw her making out with Token an hour after she dumped him.

KYLE'S POV:

Fucking bitch. Why did I think we had a fucking chance together? She was just a fucking slut. Who knows how long she was with Token before she dumped me. And to think, I was about to tell her I loved her.

I need to talk to someone but who?

JOEY'S POV:

I'm glad that Robert and Craig have been going out for this long. Honestly, I didn't think it would go on for more than a couple of weeks. Me and Thomas made a bet on it and I lost. And tonight was the night I had to pay up.

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_Okay, I'm not sure who Kyle can talk to. Either Tweek or Clyde, someone like that. I hope you're anticipating the next chapter._


	4. Him

Okay,_ fourth chapter. Sorry it's so short. I'll be making the next one quite long. Hope you enjoy it, review and PM if you do._

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JOEY'S POV:

Me and Thomas were making out on my bed when he remembered our bet.

"Wait a second, Joey." He said, lifting me off him slightly.

"What?"

"You said you'd uh, do something for me if I won that bet."

"Damn it. Are you sure you want me to do it?"

"Yeah, I've wanted to do it for so long."

"But Stan, Wendy, Craig, Robert, Tweek and Kyle are all downstairs. All they need is music and alcohol and it'll be a veritable love-in. Do you STILL want me to do it?"

"Yeah, the bedroom door's locked and the risk will make it even sexier."

"Okay..."

I unzipped his pants and nervously started rubbing him. I was kissing him at the same time, to double the pleasure. I felt him get hard in just a few seconds.

He moaned and separated our lips, giving me incentive to put more effort into it. He had his eyes closed and was involuntarily thrusting. I started to kiss his neck, making him moan louder. He was really enjoying this. I could feel his dick getting hot so I let go for a few seconds.

I spat into my hand and reached back down. As I grabbed his cock again, he seethed and groaned. He was going to cum soon.

I kept rubbing as his dick pulsed heavily. I slowed down, just to tease him a little bit. As I sped back up, without warning, his dick gushed a huge stream of cum into my hand. It dripped through my fingers whilst I lifted it towards my mouth.

I licked it off my fingers as Thomas caught his breath.

"Th...That was awesome, Joey."

"Thanks." He kissed me gently and pulled me in for a hug.

"Do you want me to try it on you?"

"No, we can do that another night. I don't want my first time to be something I win."

He giggled and kissed me again. I wonder if anyone heard us...

ROBERT'S POV:

"They're being pretty quiet up there."

"Pro'lly asleep." Stan said drowsily. I think he said it just to keep himself awake.

Me and Craig were trying to avoid touching each other. Kyle was still pretty upset about Bebe so seeing a couple isn't going to be very good for him. Stan and Wendy were in a TV cuddle position, despite me telling them to dial down the couple stuff.

Me and Craig were sat next to each other but not too close. Stan and Wendy were next to us, Stan barely awake. Kyle and Tweek were lay in front of the TV, legs up, heads in their hands. We were watching the fifth series of Scrubs, which Wendy was actually finding funny, yet she said she hated it.

Pfft, women.

The couple were almost asleep, Wendy with her head in Stan's lap. I noticed Craig was almost asleep as well. Tweek was still wide awake but Kyle was starting to drift.

It was only 9 o'clock but, come on, we're teenagers, we're tired all the time.

I looked back over at Stan and he had finally fallen asleep, along with Wendy. Suddenly, I heard a dull thud and I turned around to see a sleeping Kyle hugging Tweek.

Tweek didn't look like he was panicking. He just seemed suprised. But then it got a little weird.

He nuzzled into Kyle and hugged him back.

I poked Craig in the arm to make sure he was still awake.

"Craig, did you see that?" I whispered.

"Yeah, that's just... weird."

"Should I say something?"

"Nah, just leave 'im. It's Tweek, he's always been weird."

"What about Kyle? He hugged Tweek first."

"It's probably 'cos he's emotionally deprived or some shit."

Craig was almost gone. I cuddled into him and made myself comfortable. I really didn't care if Tweek saw. As if it was some natural reaction, Craig kissed my forehead and drifted into slumber, mouth slacked, drool starting to pour.

"Oh, for God's sake." I silently muttered.

I looked at Tweek and saw he had fallen asleep as well. He had rolled onto his side and Kyle had gripped him tighter.

When did they become such good friends?


	5. Two

_Okay, fifth chapter, sorry it's a bit rushed, hope you enjoy it, PM and review._

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ROBERT'S POV:

I was sort of annoyed with Craig. We were supposed to try, uh, "pleasuring" each other last night. But I can't blame him for sleeping. We can try it tonight.

Joey was in good spirits this morning. Something was different about him. Thomas seemed to be in an overly affectionate mood today, frequently grabbing Joey to kiss and hug him.

Joey, as usual, was making pancakes. He was obsessed with them. Thomas had a firm grip around his waist and had placed his head on Joey's shoulder.

"Thomas, this isn't exactly easy to do with you clinging to me like a monkey."

I smirked at the pair as I took a sip of my scalding hot coffee. I love watching these two as they go about their day. They're not a couple to me. They're a comedy act. Joey tried to move but Thomas wouldn't let him.

"You don't let go of my hips and I'm gonna hit you with a frying pan."

"No, you won't."

"Try me."

Thomas reluctantly took his hands off Joey's slender waist, sitting down and resting his head on his hand, sighing as he did so. I heard a knock at the door and remembered it was my turn to get it. I got out of my chair and sauntered through the living room towards the door.

As I opened it, I saw Tweek, nervously twitching and fiddling his thumbs.

"Oh, hey, Tweek."

"AH! Hi. C-can I see K-Kyle please?"

"Uh, yeah, come on in."

Tweek stepped in, shaking slightly.

"He's up in his room."

"Th-thanks." Tweek said, as he darted up the stairs like some tiny rodent.

I walked back into the kitchen and sat down on my chair.

"Who was that?"

"Tweek."

"What did he want?"

"To see Kyle."

"Why did he want to see Kyle?"

"I dunno, he just said he wanted to see 'im."

"Hm. I'm gonna go see what they're doing."

"Does it ever occur to you that you don't need to know exactly what's happening with everyone everywhere?"

"...No." Joey said, as he twirled out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

JOEY'S POV:

I wonder why Tweek wanted to see Kyle. As far as I know, they never really hang out. I better knock first.

"Kyle?"

"Come on in."

I slowly pushed the door open and saw Kyle sat on the edge of his bed. Tweek was sat opposite him, looking down at his feet.

"Tweek wasn't feeling too good so he came over." Kyle said, with a small smile on his face.

"Oh, okay." I shut the door, still confused at to why Tweek would come here.

I walked downstairs and looked back towards the stairs as I entered the kitchen.

"So why's 'e here?"

"Kyle said he isn't feeling good but that raises more questions than it answers."

"Why would he come here to talk to Kyle, of all people?"

"I have no idea." I said, dropping down into my chair.

I put my elbows on the table and placed my head in my hands.

"It doesn't make sense."

"Joey, don't obsess about this."

"I used to be able to solve a mystery in no time."

"A mystery? Well, we know you're not fucking Scooby-Doo. Which one of the gang are you, Daphne?"

"Shut up."

"Ooh, that sounds a little PMS-y."

"Must be Daphne's time of the month."

I tried to pretend that wasn't funny. I smirked and couldn't contain my smile. I started laughing, making Thomas and Robert laugh too. I heard a few footsteps upstairs and hushed myself, along with the two giggling idiots sat next to me.

"What, Daphne?" I was gonna have to deal with that name for a long time.

"I heard something upstairs." I said, as a slight click emanated from Kyle's bedroom door.

"Crap, he's coming down. Act natural." I whispered in panicked tone.

"We are being natural, we're ripping on you."

I heard muffled conversation and thudding coming down the stairs. As the footsteps became louder, I fumbled about in my pocket for my iPod and tried to act casual.

The front door opened and shut a few seconds later. Kyle walked into the kitchen and leant on the door as I began to question him.

"So, why did Tweek want to see you?"

"I don't know. He just said he was feeling a little lonely and wanted someone to talk to."

"Anything weird happen?"

"Well, he admitted he like, uh, hugged me when I was asleep last night."

"You hugged 'im first." Robert muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"You were asleep and you hugged Tweek."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't feel like I needed to."

"Well, what does this mean?"

"Nothing. You hugged a guy, so what?"

"No, does this mean I'm like, gay or something?"

"No, of course it fucking doesn't." Robert said, angrily.

"Okay, calm down, I was just confused."

"If you got a sexual feeling from it, you might be bi or something."

"Honestly, I sort of did."

"Wait, how did you know if you liked it? You were asleep."

"I was almost asleep."

"So you hugged him by choice?"

"Uh... yeah, I did." Kyle said, nervously.

"Well, in that case, you might be gay or bi."

"I don't feel gay though."

"But ya kinda are."

"Yeah, most boys I know wouldn't hug another guy by choice unless protocol dictates they must."

"So, what should I do?"

"Well, first of all, I need to take you shopping. The sweet mountain boy look is so last week." Robert said, trying to ease the tension.

Kyle gave Robert a quick smile.

This has been a pretty eventful couple of days.

First, Kyle breaks up with Bebe, second, me and Thomas have our first time and third, Kyle discovers he's gay.

I wonder if anyone else has a family this messed up.


	6. Change

_Sixth chapter, quite a long one so the length of time I made you wait for it is forgiveable. Hope you like it, PM and review if you do. _

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ROBERT'S POV:

"Hello?"

"Hi, Craig."

"Oh, hi, Robert."

"Are you gonna be coming over soon?"

"No, I can't, my mom's making me go to my grandma's."

"Oh... well, when are you gonna be back?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I know, it sucks."

"I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight."

"Well, what if I call you before I go to sleep?"

"That sounds okay."

"Alright, speak to you later."

"Bye, love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back into the couch as I did so. Joey walked in from the kitchen after hearing the conversation.

"So, I guess Craig isn't coming over today, huh?"

"No, he's going to his grandma's."

"For how long?"

"Until tomorrow."

"Ooh, that's bad."

"It's not your problem."

"Well, you know what you should do?" Joey said, sitting down next to me.

"What?"

"You should change your look."

"Why?"

"It'd be a nice surprise."

"That's a rather interesting premise but how can I alter my image?"

"For starters, get a haircut. I think you'd look good with something shorter and maybe smoothed down. Then get some new clothes. Something military. And start speaking in your normal accent again."

"What, my English accent?"

"Yeah, I haven't heard it in like, three years."

"So, when should I start doing this?"

"Right now."

Joey shot off the couch and got straight on the phone to the barber shop. I could only pick up a few words but I heard "As soon as possible" and "That's so great"

"Kay, Robert, let's go."

"What?"

"You're getting your hair cut and then we're going shopping."

"I thought you were kidding when you said right now."

He stopped in front of the door, holding the handle, with an incredibly serious look on his face.

Looking at Joey in that position, I realised how proud of him I was.

Dressed in a black turtleneck and grey pants, a chequered black and white belt, a brown messenger bag over his shoulder, hair spiked up at the front.

"I never kid about make-overs." I smirked and got up off the couch.

"Alright, let's go."

Joey opened the door and I decided to tease him a little bit.

"Ladies first." I said, gesturing towards the open door.

"Okay." He went through without hesitation.

"Y'know, that was supposed to piss you off."

"Well, it didn't."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot, you think being gay makes you an honorary woman."

"Of course it makes me an honorary woman."

"No, it makes you a guy that likes guys."

"But, seriously... being gay is fun."

I sputtered and laughed quietly at my idiot of a brother. We continued down the street until we got to the hair dressers.

30 MINUTES LATER:

I stepped out of the hair dressers with the first step of my new look complete. My hair had been cut short, smoothed down with gel and a right parting had been created.

"Even if I do say so myself, I look good."

"Ah, this is just the beginning of my plan. By the time I'm finished, Craig won't be able to keep his hands off you."

"Do you really think so?"

"I'm all but certain he'll find you irresistible. Actually, I shouldn't say that, I'm entirely certain."

"So, I'm guessing we go to the big-ass shopping mall now?"

"Mm-hm."

"What's that on your hand?"

"Oh, that little rainbow?"

"Yeah."

"Tommy got me with face paint when I wasn't looking."

"And what's that on your other hand?"

"Tom again. He wrote "Property of Thomas" on me in indelible ink. Bastard."

"You do know that won't come off for quite a while."

"Yeah, but I don't mind. He just wants people to know I'm taken."

"I think it's pretty obvious you're in a relationship."

"It's not that easy to tell I'm with someone."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Fine. Hey, where did you get that bracelet?"

"Oh, Thomas bought it fo- Damn it."

"Told you it's easy."

10 MINUTES LATER:

"I think this place is even bigger now."

"Yeah, they keep on adding new stores and making it even more amazing."

"Amazing? Joey, it's a shopping mall."

"Yes, an amazing shopping mall."

He twirled off in the direction of the fashion stores, signalling me to follow him. I sighed and pretended I didn't know him.

Me and Joey walked into a store and he didn't waste any time. In just two minutes, he had found a whole array of clothes.

"Do you really think I'm gonna try on all of these?"

"You will if you want Craig to be happy."

I grabbed the clothes and rushed into a changing room.

"I know just how to push your buttons."

"Shut up, Joey."

A few minutes later, I came out of the room dressed in a white shirt, a light grey slim fit, button up, military style blazer, grey suit pants, a black scarf and black shoes.

When Joey saw me, he gave probably the gayest clap ever done by a human being.

"You look fantastic! Go on, take a look in the mirror."

As I stepped in front of the mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. I didn't even know it was me.

"Holy crap... I DO look fantastic."

"Wait a second, something's missing..."

"What?"

He quickly found a small rainbow bracelet marked "Gay Pride" and slipped it over my wrist.

"Whoa, do you really think I should wear that?"

He lifted up his turtleneck, exposing the pink T-shirt he was wearing underneath. It had "I'm gay" printed in huge letters.

"If I can wear this, you can wear that."

As I re-adjusted the sleeves and buttons on my jacket, Joey got an idea.

"Robert, stand still a second."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna send a photo of you to Tom."

"Alright."

I hated having my picture taken but whilst I still had the confidence boost from my new outfit, I didn't mind.

"Hang on, lift your arm up, I can't see the bracelet."

I did as he said and pulled back the sleeve of the jacket to make it more visible.

"Great, keep still."

He took the photo and immediately sent it to Thomas along with the message "Look what I did to Rob!". 30 seconds later, his phone buzzed with Thomas's reply.

"What does he think of it?"

"He said you look manly and sophisticated." I smiled slightly at this.

His phone buzzed as it received another message.

"Oh, he wants to know where we are in the mall."

"Well, we're done here anyway. I'm gonna wear this out."

A few minutes later, we were sat at a coffee shop in the middle of the mall, waiting for Thomas. Joey had ordered a whipped cream covered cappuccino, with chocolate shavings on top, which equally matched his levels of homosexuality.

"You know, Joey, not to offend you or anything but while you're drinking that coffee, you look too gay to function."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"In my mind it was."

I smirked as I looked around for Thomas. I saw him walking up behind Joey, as if he didn't want Joey to see him. I was just about to call to him when he put his finger up to his lips and hushed me.

When he got close enough, he reached out to Joey, wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey, Tom." Joey said as he turned his head around to kiss Thomas on the lips.

"Hey, Joe."

He sat down next to Joey and leant his arm on the table, placing his head in his hand and almost forgetting I was there.

"You look even better in person, Robert." He said, without averting his gaze from Joey.

"How would you know? You're not even looking at me."

He sighed and turned his head slightly to face me.

"Like I said, you look good. So, how you doin', Joey?"

"Thomas, you saw me two hours ago. And fine, thanks for asking."

"You, Robert?"

"Now that I'm wearing this, I'm feelin' quite good."

"How did you get him to agree to this, Joey?"

"He wanted to do it for Craig."

"I just wanted to surprise him."

"Well, when are you gonna be able to show off your new look?"

"Not until tomorrow."

"Where is he?"

"His grandma's."

"Aren't you a little peeved he's choosing his grandma over you?"

"No, he's got commitments to his family and I have to respect that."

"Oh, man up, for God's sakes!"

"Excuse me?"

"You have to tell him when you're angry with him or he's gonna think it's fine to just ditch you and do whatever the hell he wants."

"I'm not angry with him, I just wanted to see him tonight, that's all."

"Was tonight gonna be any different from last night or the night before that?"

"I sort of wanted it to be."

"What did you want to do?"

"I don't really want to tell you."

"I think that's pretty self-explanatory."

"How?"

"You wanted to do something of a sexual nature..." Thomas said awkwardly as he turned his head away slightly.

"Yeah, I kinda did. I wanted to do it last night but Stan brought Wendy and Tweek back with him."

"It's a good thing you didn't do it last night 'cos me and Joey were-" Joey cut him off with a quick nudge of his elbow into Thomas's rib cage.

"You and Joey were what?"

Their facial expression suddenly went from happy to guilty.

"You didn't."

"We kinda did."

"Wait, was it just..."

"Hands, don't worry. And it was me on him."

"Whilst we were all downstairs?"

"Mm-hm."

"Okay, gross. But, I went upstairs later that night. There was no uh, "evidence" of what you did."

"Uh, well, I sorta..."

"Oh, that's just even more gross."

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Just leave it?"

"Ew."

"Oh, come on, it's not like you've never tried it before."

"Yeah, of course I have."

"So, how is it any different?"

"...I guess it isn't."

"Well, that's settled."

"So, Robert, their's only one thing left."

"What?"

"Your accent. Bring back the Brit."

"Do you think I should?"

"It's the last step in my plan."

"Okay..."

I hadn't spoken in my normal accent for so long. I coughed slightly and took a deep breath.

"So, how does this sound?" I said, in my eloquent English voice.

"Perfect. Just perfect."

I smiled and pretended I was fine but I couldn't get one worry out of my head.

Would Craig like it?


End file.
